Yeah so basically I´m a sucker for romance

advanced-procrastination:

simonalkenmayer:

jumpingjacktrash:

theymightbegiantsquids:

motherhenna:

motherhenna:

motherhenna:

Ok so I was looking for historical slang terms for penis (gotta be era-accurate when writing vintage dick jokes) and I came across….something

some linguist compiled a literal timeline of genitalia slang–a cock compendium, if you will–that dates back all the way to the fucking 13th CENTURY. This motherfucker tracked the evolution of erection etymology through 800+ years, because if he doesn’t do it, who else will? Thank you for your service, Johnathon Green.

Some of my favorites include:

• Shaft of Delight (1700s)
  
• Womb Sweeper (1980s)
• Master John Goodfellow (1890s)
• Nimble-Wimble (1650s)
• Corporal Love (1930s)
• Staff of Life (1880s)
• Spindle (1530s)
• As good as ever twanged (1670s)
• Gaying Instrument (1810s)
• Beef Torpedo (1980s)

and last but not least, the first recorded use of the word Schlong, which was in 1865 CE. Tag yourself, I’m Nimble Wimble 

And are the lovely ladies feeling left out? not to worry! Johnathon’s got you covered, gals, because he also made one for vaginas. Highlights:

• Mrs. Fubb’s Parlor (1820s)
  
• Poontang (1950s)
• Spunk Box (1720s)
• Ringerangroo (1930s)
  
• Ineffable (1890s)
• Itching Jenny (1890s)
• Carnal Mantrap (1890s - a busy decade apparently)
• Bookbinder’s Wife (1760s)
• Rough Malkin (1530s)
• Socket (1460s)

and a personal favorite, crinkum-crankum, circa approximately 1670.

@antique-symbolism

this alone has justified the internet

This is unfortunately not complete, as he used written documents. Imagine the variations. Humans have never named anything so much as they have their genitals.

Reblogging this PURELY so that any of my followers writing fiction taking place in the past uses the correct phrasing. Historical accuracy is totally important guys. That’s the ONLY reason I’m putting this on my blog.

(via fairymonk)

eevylynn:

prancingtrashcan:

thejadedkiwano:

Let’s play a game.
Type the following words into your tags box, then post the first automatic tag that comes up.
you, also, what, when, why, how, look, because, never

oh comE ON

MINE SUCKS ALMOST AS MUCH

Pretty sure these aren´t all mine

(via birdmacklin)

articulatebitches:

lierdumoa:

lierdumoa:

dirtydarwin:

thentheysaidburnher:

All men benefit from women’s reinforced fear of being hurt for saying no.

read it again and again

Understand that this applies even to non-sexual situations. Women are more likely to be asked for favors from coworkers. Regular “can you file this for me” / “can you cover my shift” / “can you finish up this paperwork” workplace favors. Men are less likely to return those favors. Women are more likely to be seen as “difficult to work with” if they refuse to do favors when requested. Being viewed as ungenerous has negative social and professional consequences.

So yes, even gay men benefit. All men benefit from women’s reinforced fear of being hurt, not just physically, but also socially and professionally, for saying no to anything at all.

Re: above; just in case it looks like I’m just pulling facts out of my ass, here are my sources:

http://blogs.wsj.com/atwork/2013/10/29/women-work-and-the-girl-scout-tax/

http://thinkprogress.org/economy/2013/10/30/2858091/women-workers-favors/

http://www.slate.com/blogs/moneybox/2013/01/06/women_do_favors_more_than_men.html

http://www.opposingviews.com/i/society/men-are-less-likely-be-asked-favors-workplace-get-more-appreciation-helping

All men benefit from women’s reinforced fear of being hurt for saying no.

All men benefit from women’s reinforced fear of being hurt for saying no.

All men benefit from women’s reinforced fear of being hurt for saying no.

(via aconstipatedmeerkat)

tiptoe39:

So many prompts are about the meet-cute. So this list is meant to go straight to the good parts. Please use, prompt, share, add to, etc.

1. I have you shoved against the wall but now I can’t stop looking at your mouth
2. We were dancing but all of a sudden it’s a slow song and we’re standing here awkwardly staring at each other
3. I just told you I liked you but now I’m shy and say “never mind, forget it” and why are you looking at me like that?
4. We slept in the same bed for space reasons but now we’re just waking up and there’s something about your bleary eyes and mussed hair
5. It’s time to fight the boss and if I don’t tell you now, I might not live to tell you
6. Congratulations! One of your dreams has finally come true. Let me give you a big hug and wow, you’re warm…
7. I’ve never seen anything like the way you handled that. I’m just so moved.
8. Oh, my God, I thought you were going to die. Please don’t ever scare me like that again.
9. We’re hiding from the authorities and it’s very close quarters in here, I can feel your body against mine.
10. Wait, my hero’s secret identity is… you? To be honest, I’d always kind of hoped…
11. You’ve said you’re going to leave, but I don’t want you to go and if I don’t say something now…
12. We were pretending to be lovers but I’m not pretending anymore and I have to know if you feel the same way
13.  This wasn’t meant to be a date, but we’ve had such a good time and now it’s 2 a.m. and I should really go home…
    

(via somanyfandomssolittletime)

this-too-too-sullied-flesh:

so, i’m officially published today! a piece i wrote appears in a parenting multiples anthology that came out today, just in time for national twins day! (i have twins, if you didn’t know)

if you aren’t interested, don’t have the time, don’t think this fits your aesthetic, hate my guts, hate kids, think twins are creepy, dun curr, or just plain don’t wanna, then ignore me. you can TS/blacklist #parenting anthology, and you won’t have to see me talking about it anymore. i won’t be offended at all.

BUT. if you could help me out in promoting it, i’d surely appreciate it. you do not need to buy it to help me! in fact, i don’t get a cut of sales in the slightest–i got a set amount for my involvement with this anthology. it’s a cool book if you have twins+, or know someone who does, though. do note: per my contract, i cannot post any part of my piece anywhere for a while. if you wanna read what i have to say about twins (it’s about identity and the individual and how to raise identical twins in a world that wants them to be the same person), you will have to buy the book.

you can simply click here to give their website hits; that would be the easiest, bare-minimum-effort-on-your-part way to help me. if twins/multiples at all interests you, click around and leave comments, with or without saying kristen sent you! i have a post there from back in january that is their most popular post to date, mostly because of you guys!

now, there are other (non-money-related) ways to help me out specifically in fulfilling the “promote as much as possible” clause of my contract. i’ll put those under a cut so it doesn’t clog your dash. thanks for reading this, guys! a reblog would be excellent, but unnecessary for me to continue to love you. and as always, feel free to hit me up with any questions. i think you all know i love talking about my stupid kids. and writing!

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